Cycle
by Tacitus-8
Summary: On the verge of death, a story of how one man impacted the lives of three people. Formally a oneshot, now ongoing. Kakashi. Updated: 6.19.07
1. End

Hatake Kakashi stumbled as he ran, struggling to keep his balance on the slick forest floor. Normally the rain and mud wouldn't have been a problem for the Copy-nin, except this time he was maneuvering around with a fist-sized hole in his right side.

Sliding to a stop, the Konoha shinobi quickly surveyed the surrounding forest looking for any signs of his pursuers. Thankfully, he found himself alone and breathed out an audible sigh of relief. After the run and adrenaline, he knew he needed some rest so Kakashi walked to the nearest tree and leaned heavily against it. He began to check the wound at his side and found it bleeding profusely through the hastily applied bandage. Assessing the damage, Kakashi gave himself another five to ten minutes before he passed out from blood loss.

He had been lucky. The moment the blow landed, Kakashi knew it was critical but was able to maneuver around it enough so that it wasn't instantly fatal. It had allowed him enough time to finish his assigned mission and escape back to the Fire Country.

Methodically, Kakashi began going through the mental checklist required for his mission. Even on the edge of death, he had obligations to keep his secrets, Konoha's secrets. It wasn't until he felt he had satisfied all of the criteria did he allow himself to relax. Trying not to cough, Kakashi slowly began to slide himself down the tree, his blood staining the bark above him.

_Inhale._

Kakashi reminded himself as blood slowly slipped out of the sides of his mouth. He could feel the blood slowly beginning to fill his lung lungs, drowning him in his own fluids. Yet, despite all of this, the silver haired shinobi was calm and composed. The pain was intense, but bearable. Death, was something he had accepted since he was a child. So Kakashi decided that for his last few moments he would allow himself a peaceful respite.

_Exhale._

Looking at the trees above him, Kakashi felt the rain soaking into his silver hair and driving down his face in rivulets. The sensation of the rain on his bare face was unfamiliar. After so many years of wearing his mask, he didn't really know why he hadn't worn it this time. This morning, he had left both his mask and his forehead protector at home. The latter was removed as required by the mission. The former, removed on a whim. It wasn't like his enemies would be able to identify him without his mask anyway; if anything the mask and sharingan would have given it away.

When he accepted this mission he knew there was a good chance that it would be his last. The thought hadn't bothered him. He had accomplished and survived many S-class missions before, and had lost count of how many times where he should have died, but by some chance of fate, had survived. It was the consequence of being gifted. You had a higher chance of survival, but you were also given the most difficult of missions. Not that he complained; it was just what was expected of him. It was the fate he had chosen.

_Inhale_.

The leaves above Kakashi were beginning to blur as he allowed a small sad smile to crease his lips. He wondered if he would go to the same place where Obito, Rin and Sensei were. There were many things that Kakashi regretted in his career but never once had he regretted becoming a shinobi. Since birth, it was known that Kakashi would become a great ninja; any child of the White Fang's was destined to be great. Though, Kakashi wondered if he would also see his father, if he would be proud of the path that Kakashi had taken, a path fundamentally similar to his own. At the very least, Kakashi knew his name would be carved on the memorial with his friends - a luxury that his father never had.

_Exhale._

Thoughts of team seven began to flash through his mind. His former students wouldn't believe it at first. The thought of Kakashi being nearly invincible was engrained into them at 13, and continued to stay with them long after all three of them had surpassed their former teacher. Kakashi knew that Naruto would be waiting at the gate, Sakura right beside him holding his hand. The future Hokage wouldn't accept it at first, saying that Kakashi was never on time, that he had even been late to Sakura's wedding. Though in the end, it would be Sakura who would get through to him. She would pull him into an embrace and let the blonde cry. Sasuke, as usual, would put up a cool exterior, but would mourn his own way inwardly.

In the end, it would be Sakura that would hold the group together, despite the fact that it would be her that would suffer the most. Even though he was no longer their teacher or responsible for their safety or guidance, Kakashi found himself still silently watching over them, even after each had become skilled Jounin and ANBU. It was one of the few joys that Kakashi had in his life - to watch each of them grow up and become the new foundation of teachers and leaders in Konoha. He didn't know how, but the brats had snuck in past his barriers and become a part of him. The three of them became the closest thing Kakashi would ever have to children of his own - something in the end Kakashi regretted not having. Briefly, Kakashi wondered if he should have taken Anko up on her offer. The Copy-nin coughed out a laugh, even on the verge of death, it was an offer he was glad he refused.

_Inhale_.

Gai would be angry with him. He would rave that no rival of his would die from such a simple mission, and that they still had a score to settle. There was no way Gai could leave the score 211 to 210 in Kakashi's favor. Kakashi smiled. He won; of course he won, he was a genius. Hell, Gai would probably wait at the gate with Naruto.

_Exhale. _

It was okay. He had served his purpose; he had completed his mission. He was a tool after all. Even if Leaf was the most civilized of the Hidden Villages, all shinobi were still just tools. They were a means of getting done what was needed done. It was not his life that truly mattered in the end but the success of the mission.

The moment Kakashi put on the forehead protector at the ginger age of 6, he lost any ownership over his path. Even then, his skills were wanted and put to good use. His life, his experiences, his purpose, was all given to him in a mission scroll daily. He lost his innocence through those scrolls. In many ways, it was what he was born for; he was machine, a tool, which excelled at what was most required of him: killing. How many had he killed in his lifetime? He couldn't even remember all of them. And just like them, he would just become a kill to someone else, or some obscure figure in a textbook that the children of Konoha would have to memorize.

_Inhale._

Someone would take his place, he was sure of it; there was a whole academy built and run on that sole purpose. Another sad smile graced his lips. They always left that part out in the lessons. Almost from birth, children in the village were molded to be potential shinobi. It was the academy that sifted through them to see those who had the most potential, and then to gradually introduce their real purpose of being shinobi; to be tools of a greater purpose that they can't necessarily understand or ever know. It was the double edge of the sword that all shinobi held.

There would be many more like him that would share the same fate in the same excruciating way. And there would be more to replace them. It was a never-ending cycle.

_Exhale. _

And God, he was going to miss it.

* * *

AN: This is the final first chapter. Sorry that it took so long to update. A big thanks to leafygirl for being an awesome beta. Second chapter should be out in the next week or so.

* * *


	2. Selfishness

"Damnit Kakashi! Wake up!" Sakura implored as she forced more chakra into the dying man. The skin on her hands stretched and burned against the large amounts of chakra flowing through her hands .

"You aren't just going to die, are you?!" Condensing her chakra briefly, the medic released a large pulse directly into Kakashi's heart, the shockwave lifting his chest several inches before returning to the mud with a slick thud. "Coward!"

Nearby, Hyuuga Neji kneeled over Kakashi pushing large gasps of air into the older man as the pink haired medic worked quickly to revive her former teacher. Yet, the medic had little to work with. The moment Neji and Sakura found Kakashi she had instantly known that his wounds were fatal. By the time Sakura began healing him, Kakashi's heart had already stopped from blood loss. His other vital organs were failing from oxygen deprivation, not to mention that the man had a giant hole in his liver. Ordinarily, when a medic saw these kinds of injuries they didn't bother wasting valuable time or chakra on someone who was obviously meant to die.

Yet against all of her years of training, Sakura couldn't bring herself to stop. Intense determination pushed away every ounce of practicality from the medic's mind forcing her to rely on extreme measures.

Pulling a kunai from Neji's holster, Sakura quickly cut through Kakashi's shirt before slicing her own finger open. Using her blood, the medic began swiftly scribbling seals across Kakashi's bare torso, concentrating them around his wounded side and heart.

The process she was using was dangerous, not only to her but to Kakashi as well. Using blood seals to heal serious wounds usually took the combined effort of several experienced medic-nins, and though Sakura was considered one of the best in her field, trying to do it alone was ludicrous. The process took large amounts of concentration, chakra, and needed to be done slowly to minimize side affects from accelerated healing. But Kakashi didn't have the luxury of time and it wasn't something that Sakura would waste.

Quickly performing the hand seals, Sakura pressed her hands to Kakashi's chest. Gritting her teeth, she activated the jutsu. Her vision blurred as she fought to stay conscious, even after releasing the first limiter on the Eight Gates; her chakra was being depleted far faster than she anticipated. At most, Sakura had a few minutes before she either ran out of chakra or she simply passed out from exhaustion. Pushing herself harder, the medic forced her chakra into Kakashi's chakra circulatory system, tapping into the complex pathway.

To the young medic, healing had always been analogous to working through a maze. The body was a huge and complex system of chakra vessels and organ systems. In order to heal many internal injuries, a medic had to utilize the body's natural chakra circulation. But Sakura had neither the time nor stamina to heal Kakashi the conventional way.

Resorting to her only remaining option, Sakura began tearing through parts of Kakashi's chakra circulation system, allowing her chakra to flow more freely and quickly through the body. But the more quickly Sakura healed the more permanent damage she did. She was pushing the poor man's body far beyond normal limits; Sakura healed what was most urgent and tore through anything that stood in her way.

If Kakashi survived, the lasting side effects from Sakura's impromptu decisions would be extensive. Yet, it didn't matter. The stubbornness of a lonely thirteen old girl refused to give up on the man that didn't abandon her. The selfishness of the woman that Kakashi walked down the aisle in her father's place wouldn't let him die. She didn't care if what she was doing was selfish or if it was wrong. Sakura simply didn't give a damn. Naruto needed this man, Sasuke needed him.

She needed him.

Through the byakugan, Neji watched silently as the pink haired medic continue to sweep her chakra through the silver-haired Jounin. Though the thought of pulling the pink haired medic away from the dying man popped into his head more than once in past few minutes, Neji knew that Sakura would never forgive him if he interfered. The Hyuuga watched as the medic worked furiously through Kakashi's body, nearly growing back the Sharingan user's whole liver, while tearing through other parts of the body with a reckless adroitness that almost frightened Neji. The ANBU had never seen anything quite like it before, but it was obvious that at the pace Sakura was working, she could easily kill the man. If she broke through one too many chakra vessels or if she lost control of the massive amounts of chakra flowing through Kakashi, the man was as good as dead.

But Neji also knew that Sakura was probably the only person who could possibly save Kakashi in his current condition. Her skills easily made her one of the best doctors in the Fire Country. Yet despite this, Neji was extremely uneasy; the woman was barely able to keep herself from passing out. Though Neji knew basic medical care, he wasn't sure if he would be able to help Sakura if something went seriously wrong. And the last thing that the ANBU captain needed was to have two dying people to take care of tens of miles away from Konoha. But despite his concerns for Sakura, Neji knew better than to do anything but sit back and watch.

"I don't care if you never forgive me." The woman spoke softly, ripping through some of the chakra vessels around Kakashi's heart. "You can hate me." She saturated the organ with chakra slowly forcing it to start beating again. "So long as you're alive, it's ok."

Slowly, Sakura eased her chakra from the organ allowing it to beat on its own. Swiftly, she regulated the blood flow to the heart, reducing the strain on it from the oxygen demanding organs. With Neji's help, Sakura quickly flipped Kakashi on his side as his lungs expelled the blood clogging his airways. Gently, they laid the Jounin onto his back.

With a small smile, the medic watched as Kakashi breathed softly. The relief that filled Sakura was nearly overwhelming, but the man still needed to get to a hospital. Tearing her eyes away, Sakura turned to Neji who was watching with silent amazement. "Neji."

The ANBU captain hesitated at Sakura's silent request. He was the only one capable of getting Kakashi back to a hospital in time. The last thing that Neji wanted was to leave Sakura here alone, but it would be impossible to get Kakashi to Konoha in time carrying two people. And Sakura was in no form to travel by herself; even now Neji could see her muscles trembling from fatigue.

Neji silently cursed himself for leaving his radio back at headquarters.

"Neji," Sakura whispered softly. "Please." Clenching his jaw, Neji knew that he had no choice. Gently picking up the Copy-nin, he turned to Sakura.

"I will be back as soon as I can."

Sakura smiled again, nodding. The pink haired woman watched silently as the Hyuuga jumped into the nearest tree and within moments had completely disappeared from sight.

Seconds later Sakura fell to the muddy floor, her muscles finally giving way to the strain of sitting upright. Slowly trying to regulate her breathing, she focused on the canopy above her, and watched as the dark clouds slowly roll by above her. A dull numbness overtook her; parts of her mind still unable to truly grasp what had happened over the past few hours - and what she would have to face for the rest of her life.

Yet, Sakura smiled.

…because it was ok.

…because Kakashi would be ok.

And with those thoughts still rolling in her head, Sakura welcomed unconsciousness.

* * *

The first thing Sakura was conscious of when she first woke up was pain. It wasn't the ordinary type pain that she was familiar with. She was sore. An intense soreness racked her entire body making it painful to even breathe. Sakura felt as if she just went through several rounds of Lee's training regiment. Every muscle burned and protested.

She groaned, Sakura knew that it would be days before she could even think about leaving her bed.

A cool hand was gently touched her forehead, forcing Sakura to open her eyes. The tall form of her husband stood over her with his signature genius frown etched across his face. It didn't take seven years of marriage for her to tell that he was extremely unhappy with day's events.

Yet all she did was smile weakly, trying to reassure him that she was fine. She didn't apologize - not that he expected her to. He understood her reasoning and would have done the same thing if he had been in her position.

Patting the space next to her, Sakura invited him into bed, knowing that he needed her as much as she needed him. There was no hesitation as he crawled in, carefully pulling her against him.

Gently clutching his ANBU vest, Sakura buried her face into his neck. "Neji," her voice cracking around the lump in her throat. "How is he?"

"Alive," Neji responded, resting his chin on her head, his hand tangling gently in her hair. "Barely, but he will live. We were lucky today Sakura. If I hadn't run into Naruto on the way back, I doubt Kakashi would have made it back in time."

"And his condition?"

The Hyuuga's grip tightened around Sakura, confirming what she already knew. When Sakura ripped through many of Kakashi's chakra vessels she understood that there was no way to repair the damage she did. Out of the many vessels that ran throughout the body, Sakura had only left the ones that were vital to Kakashi's life intact. With such extensive damage done to his system, the Copy-nin would never be able to mold any sizable amount of chakra for the rest of his life, effectively ending his career as a shinobi.

"Neji, did I… did I do the right thing? Should I have let him die?" Sakura's voice breaking on the last word.

Neji raised an eyebrow. "Could you have let him die?"

"…No."

"Then it is not a question of whether or not you did the right thing but if he will forgive you." The Hyuuga sighed. "It is a possibility that he won't. We shinobi don't live normal lives, Kakashi especially. To be thrown from this way of life into the mundane is … cruel." Sakura flinched, causing Neji to tighten his grip.

"It is not to say he won't. Only that it is possible." Neji spoke into her hair. "The opportunity to save his life was there. You simply … took advantage of it." Though it may have been Sakura's selfishness that had compelled her, Neji knew why she had done it. Hatake Kakashi was one of the most fundamental parts of Sakura's life. Where Sasuke and even Naruto had, at one point or another, left her behind in pursuit of their own aspirations, Kakashi was the only member of Team Seven that hadn't. Even after the Copy-nin had ceased being her teacher, he continued to be the silent support that Sakura needed. It wasn't surprising that Sakura made the choice that she did.

The sobs came slowly at first but quickly increased as Sakura clung to Neji, letting him cradle her tightly against the angry cries of her muscles. Sakura made Neji leave her behind today, left her unconscious and wounded not knowing if the other ANBU teams or enemy would find her. It had been another act of selfishness on her part. She had scared him today. But Neji knew that it was what she wanted, that it was the risk that she willingly took. Knowing there were no words of comfort, Neji simply held onto Sakura's tiny frame as she cried out her pain and frustration.

"I don't regret it." Her voice muffled and hoarse.

"I know."

"I won't ever regret it."

"I know."

"Even if he hates me for it."

"I know, Sakura. I know."

* * *

AN: It has been over a year since I last updated this. Sorry about that. Again, a big thanks to leafygirl for taking the time to beta my story (and yes the oxymoron was intentional ). There was originally suppose to be 2 more chapters but knowing me... that might that awhile. Please review. -Tac 


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